Three views
What should new Christian converts who are polygamists do? Three views:
- Husbands must divorce their plural wives and send them away, providing for them in transition until remarriage. Likewise, plural wives must divorce their husbands.
- Husbands and plural wives may divorce each other or remain together after converting to Christ, the circumstances shaping the decision.
- Husbands and plural wives may not divorce each other after converting to Christ.
Some of my friends take #1, arguing (if I understand them correctly) that:
- Polygamy was only ever fraudulent; no plural marriage was ever real or legitimate.
- Immediately divorcing plural wives is the only ethical option.
John Piper
John Piper’s view approximates #2:
“I would say that polygamy was permitted because of the hardness of our hearts until the coming of Jesus and that, with Jesus, the standards are raised and the mystery of the meaning of marriage is clarified and we should be committed to making plain the beauties of Christ and his church through our covenant faithfulness between one husband, one wife.” (https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/may-i-have-two-wives-six-vetoes)
To a polygamist converted to Christ:
“I might say, ‘OK, those who have two wives, be faithful to both of them until the next generation, or until one of them dies. But never do this again.'” (https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/when-a-polygamist-is-converted-what-should-he-do-about-his-marriages)
Doug Wilson
Doug Wilson takes position: #3:
“We must be careful to exclude polygamy in the same way in which Scripture does. If polygamy were to become legal, and a man were to take more than one wife, and he then came to Christ, divorce would not be an option for him.” (65-66)
In Wilson’s view divorcing a second wife would be *worse* than the initial adulterous act of marrying her; God hates divorce and non-polygamous adultery even more than he hates polygamy.
My view
The collective weight of Genesis 1-2, Matthew 19, Ezra 9-10 (a special case where divorce is commanded, even separating from one’s own children!), and 1 Corinthians 7 give us grounds for divorce in polygamous marriages. The husband must secure provisions for the departing wives until they can find new husbands. Indeed, providing for them entails helping them find husbands.
Polygamy is a rotten arrangement. A newly-Christian but already-polygamous husband would be eager to do whatever is best for the others given the circumstances.
1 Corinthians 7 describes a scenario where an unbelieving spouse has abandoned (or wants to abandon) their believing spouse. This is surely relevant when a polygamous husband “visits” his plural wife. He has effectively abandoned her by living with another. He is already acting like an adulterer.
Today a marital “oath” to a second wife is disingenuous. It isn’t recognized by the civil magistrate. It doesn’t satisfy the common criteria for a wedding. There’s no realistic expectation of it being legally recognized, blessed, or enforced in any common way. So the husband is not really genuinely promising a second “wife” that she will have the common legal protections of a wife.
Paul D. Schlehlein
Paul D. Schlehlein argues that “a polygamist should live monogamously with only his first wife prior to baptism and church membership… A man can only follow the rules of conjugal rights in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 if he has one wife.”
Yet he still has a responsibility to provide for the others. “Living with only the first wife does not alleviate a husband’s responsibility to provide financial care for his other wives and her children. This will give his other wives, if they so choose, a chance to enter new monogamous marriages.” (“Pastoring Polygamists: Biblical Counsel for the African Church”, 2013 RTS thesis)
He gives “seven reasons I would tell a newly converted polygamist that he should live intimately and monogamously with only his first wife before he can join the church.” Schlehlein writes,
- “As I argued earlier, the OT suggests that several of the OT polygamists (e.g. Abraham, David, and Solomon) returned to monogamy while their other spouses were still alive.”
- “As noted above, porneia includes a wide range of sexual sins, including polygamy (Lev. 18:18), meaning that at the very least polygamy is an act of adultery.”
- “With porneia defined this way, Jesus gives grounds for divorce within a polygamous relationship (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).”
- “A man can only follow the rules of conjugal rights in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 if he has one wife.”
- “As we shall see below, living with only the first wife does not alleviate a husband’s responsibility to provide financial care for his other wives and her children.”
- “This will give his other wives, if they so choose, a chance to enter new monogamous marriages.”
- “This act of repentance, while still paying restitution for past sins, will be a glowing testimony to his family and his church regarding the power of the gospel.”
Gleanings from Doug Wilson on his chapter on Polygamy from his book Fidelity:
- Adam was fully complemented in Eden by one woman. Adding a second wife tells God, “The woman you gave me is not a wholly fitting complement.”
- Polygamy stirs up strife: “Polygamy sets up a situation in which destructive competition between wives is hardly possible to avoid.” (67)
- Polygamy sets a man up for failure in parenting: “When a man is polygamous, it puts him in a position where he can father more children than he can be a father to.” (68-69)
- The gospel makes the ethical environment inhospitable to polygamy, similar to slavery. “It does fall short of the creation pattern, but it is a sin which can be culturally tolerated until the leaven of the gospel causes it naturally to disappear.” (66)
- Christian men “flex” differently than polygamy inclines men to: “Polygamous societies generally encourage the taking of multiple wives as an indication of wealth or status.” (65)
- Polygamy is structured to satisfy the flesh: “Polygamy is not filled with life and peace but leads only to vicious ambition and lust.” (69)
- The New Testament at least escalates opposition to polygamy such that violations become worthy of church discipline. “If a married man who is already a member of the church begins to think about taking another wife, and the church has already clearly declared the teaching of the Bible on this, then that man is sinning against greater light, and could come under the discipline of the church.” (67)
A friend summarizes her experience of fundamentalist Mormon polygamist overlords:
“Generally speaking, it’s not just the constant pursuit of new women, but they are prone to flights of religious mania that make them feel great about their basest urges, and they spend money like loons. They make everything a test of loyalty to them, and equate their urges with God’s commands. Theological prima donnas.”
Also see: Three ways “same-sex marriage” and polygamy dishonor women
I Am Aaron Shafovaloff 